#264 Faithful Wounds
Proverbs 27:6
Frustrated and hurt after a conversation, I was trying to get a bottle of probiotic kefir open. I used a big knife, I was frustrated and in a hurry, and I stabbed myself in the finger, hard. Boy did that hurt! I soaked my finger in peroxide, wrapped my wound, and hoped it wouldn’t get infected.
And then it occurred to me, that sometimes in the midst of conflict I choose to ‘stab’ myself—by taking things personally. Sometimes I really take the comments of others to heart, as a personal attack, when the comments are really a symptom of the other person’s struggles, insecurities or hurt feelings. I observed myself reviewing hurtful words, and wanting to feel sad about them.
A sister and friend wrote:
A close friend of mine told me that this year, with the impending anniversary of my son's death - that I need to 'celebrate' his death, and put his death in 'it's proper place'. I spun out, emotionally. I think the most hurtful thing anyone can say to me is that I need to 'get over' the death of my son. THIS IS MY BIGGEST WEAK SPOT, my softest, most vulnerable area - and I felt attacked by my close friend! I was so hurt and angry!!
BUT WITHIN AN HOUR, I was able to separate MY PAIN from HER ACTION. My pain is mine. She does not cause that. I was able to forgive her, and yet take responsibility for and attend to my pain. Her action HAPPENED, but it is not who she is. Her action is PAST TENSE, it's gone, it did it's number and evaporated - unless I choose to hold onto it, which I reject.
“This is the day which the LORD has made; I will accept the gift in every turn of events and rejoice in every circumstance.”
Who am I to say this was a horrible thing? It allowed me to move some grief, it allowed me to lean into Him, it allowed me to be MORE VULNERABLE to my husband and myself.
I am realizing the importance of separating the pain we experience from the actions and words of another. This means taking responsibility for how we intensify our pain by adding the negative meaning of our own choosing. Imagine how Joseph was delivered from the misery of bitterness by his perspective about his brothers selling him into slavery. “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you…So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God….” Genesis 45:5,8
It helps to observe and then pour out these thoughts and feelings to Him. Psalm 62:8
Then we can get the impact of these thoughts and the feelings that result: we can be intensifying our misery and figuratively ‘stabbing’ ourselves by choice! Ahithophel literally strangled himself because of the roots of bitterness in his heart toward David. 2 Samuel 17:23 (As a trusted counselor of David, and Bathsheba’s grandfather, he turned away from David and gave counsel that would have resulted in David’s death. When that counsel was not taken he hung himself.) We can spiritually strangle ourselves when we choose to let the roots of bitterness thrive.
Our privilege is to use the impact (of seeing what we are attached to in His light of His truth) as motivation to make a new choice. “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him…” Philippians 3:7-9 NIV
Lord, may we use Your inspiration to let go and let the past be in the past. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it! I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Just as Israel was to be freed from the Babylonian captivity, God intends for our ‘chains’ to be loosed and the dry and desolate circumstance to bring life. Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” Proverbs 27:6 When we ‘wound’ ourselves by dwelling on what hurt us and making it mean all kinds of negative things about ourselves and the other person, we are not being a friend to ourselves. But when God permits the wound, His intention is to bless and grow us through the experience.
Proverbs 27:6
Frustrated and hurt after a conversation, I was trying to get a bottle of probiotic kefir open. I used a big knife, I was frustrated and in a hurry, and I stabbed myself in the finger, hard. Boy did that hurt! I soaked my finger in peroxide, wrapped my wound, and hoped it wouldn’t get infected.
And then it occurred to me, that sometimes in the midst of conflict I choose to ‘stab’ myself—by taking things personally. Sometimes I really take the comments of others to heart, as a personal attack, when the comments are really a symptom of the other person’s struggles, insecurities or hurt feelings. I observed myself reviewing hurtful words, and wanting to feel sad about them.
A sister and friend wrote:
A close friend of mine told me that this year, with the impending anniversary of my son's death - that I need to 'celebrate' his death, and put his death in 'it's proper place'. I spun out, emotionally. I think the most hurtful thing anyone can say to me is that I need to 'get over' the death of my son. THIS IS MY BIGGEST WEAK SPOT, my softest, most vulnerable area - and I felt attacked by my close friend! I was so hurt and angry!!
BUT WITHIN AN HOUR, I was able to separate MY PAIN from HER ACTION. My pain is mine. She does not cause that. I was able to forgive her, and yet take responsibility for and attend to my pain. Her action HAPPENED, but it is not who she is. Her action is PAST TENSE, it's gone, it did it's number and evaporated - unless I choose to hold onto it, which I reject.
“This is the day which the LORD has made; I will accept the gift in every turn of events and rejoice in every circumstance.”
Who am I to say this was a horrible thing? It allowed me to move some grief, it allowed me to lean into Him, it allowed me to be MORE VULNERABLE to my husband and myself.
I am realizing the importance of separating the pain we experience from the actions and words of another. This means taking responsibility for how we intensify our pain by adding the negative meaning of our own choosing. Imagine how Joseph was delivered from the misery of bitterness by his perspective about his brothers selling him into slavery. “And now, do not be distressed and do not be angry with yourselves for selling me here, because it was to save lives that God sent me ahead of you…So then, it was not you who sent me here, but God….” Genesis 45:5,8
It helps to observe and then pour out these thoughts and feelings to Him. Psalm 62:8
Then we can get the impact of these thoughts and the feelings that result: we can be intensifying our misery and figuratively ‘stabbing’ ourselves by choice! Ahithophel literally strangled himself because of the roots of bitterness in his heart toward David. 2 Samuel 17:23 (As a trusted counselor of David, and Bathsheba’s grandfather, he turned away from David and gave counsel that would have resulted in David’s death. When that counsel was not taken he hung himself.) We can spiritually strangle ourselves when we choose to let the roots of bitterness thrive.
Our privilege is to use the impact (of seeing what we are attached to in His light of His truth) as motivation to make a new choice. “But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ and be found in him…” Philippians 3:7-9 NIV
Lord, may we use Your inspiration to let go and let the past be in the past. “Forget the former things; do not dwell on the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it! I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.” Just as Israel was to be freed from the Babylonian captivity, God intends for our ‘chains’ to be loosed and the dry and desolate circumstance to bring life. Isaiah 43:18-19 NIV
“Faithful are the wounds of a friend…” Proverbs 27:6 When we ‘wound’ ourselves by dwelling on what hurt us and making it mean all kinds of negative things about ourselves and the other person, we are not being a friend to ourselves. But when God permits the wound, His intention is to bless and grow us through the experience.
