What will we put in the Relationship Box?
#330 What will we put in the Relationship Box?
Marriage is an empty box
Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving , serving, praising, keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
I would add that all relationships are an empty box. I am impressed with what my Dad wrote me in a letter from 1997 about his love for his wife. He wrote:
Your Mom is something else! God gave me the finest person I ever met to be my wife, companion and best friend. She is such a multi-talented person, so loving and caring and such a dedicated mother. If I had to do it again, I’d do it again and again and again! While I was at the Dawn I read in Proverbs “Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is that of fine rubies.” After I married Annamay I finally understood what that meant!
My Dad made the choice over and over, day by day to make their love new and that created his strong commitment. Both my Mom and Dad chose to “be in love,” to keep their love vibrant and new for 59 years. He defined her by her strengths and he admired those strengths.
1 Corinthians 13 is more than a list of characteristics of love. It is also a list of CHOICES that love makes to stay vibrantly active. We have the choice to put these choices in The Marriage Box or in any Relationship Box. (Below is an incomplete description of some of Love’s choices.)
Love chooses
To be patient: chooses to understand the PROCESS of life and growth and the time it takes to work things out.
To be kind: looks for ways to be considerate, ways to brighten the other’s day, ways to lighten the load.
To not envy: chooses the spirit of cooperation instead of competition; truly appreciates the abilities and blessing of another and chooses to express that appreciation.
To not boast: chooses not to be wrapped up in our own praise; looking for how to praise the other.
Not proud: chooses not to assume “I’m right” and “you’re wrong.”
Not easily angered: chooses to LISTEN, to the context of the issue.
To keep no record of wrongs: chooses to focus on what is good (which doesn’t mean to put things “under the rug,” but deals with resentment and issues so that the rug isn’t lumpy.)
To not delight in evil, but to rejoice in the truth: chooses to not delight in gossip but in building up, expressing excitement when Truth produces something good in a person’s life.
To bear all things: chooses to be committed amidst provocation
To believe all things: chooses to unsuspiciously credit good to the other as far a good conscience will permit. JFB
To hope all things: chooses to expect the best, to expect God’s leading.
To endure all things: chooses to keep on going forward when it would be easier to quit; keeps taking the one next step.
I love this quote from a Wedding card. This can be applied to relationships in general.
“It’s your story. Make it beautiful. Fill it up with what you love.
Remember what matters. Forget what doesn’t. Create a happy life together.”
Marriage is an empty box
Most people get married believing a myth that marriage is a beautiful box full of all the things they have longed for: companionship, intimacy, friendship, etc. The truth is that marriage at the start is an empty box. You must put something in before you can take anything out. There is no love in marriage. Love is in people. And people put love in marriage. There is no romance in marriage. You have to infuse it into your marriage. A couple must learn the art and form the habit of giving, loving , serving, praising, keeping the box full. If you take out more than you put in, the box will be empty.
I would add that all relationships are an empty box. I am impressed with what my Dad wrote me in a letter from 1997 about his love for his wife. He wrote:
Your Mom is something else! God gave me the finest person I ever met to be my wife, companion and best friend. She is such a multi-talented person, so loving and caring and such a dedicated mother. If I had to do it again, I’d do it again and again and again! While I was at the Dawn I read in Proverbs “Who can find a virtuous woman, her price is that of fine rubies.” After I married Annamay I finally understood what that meant!
My Dad made the choice over and over, day by day to make their love new and that created his strong commitment. Both my Mom and Dad chose to “be in love,” to keep their love vibrant and new for 59 years. He defined her by her strengths and he admired those strengths.
1 Corinthians 13 is more than a list of characteristics of love. It is also a list of CHOICES that love makes to stay vibrantly active. We have the choice to put these choices in The Marriage Box or in any Relationship Box. (Below is an incomplete description of some of Love’s choices.)
Love chooses
To be patient: chooses to understand the PROCESS of life and growth and the time it takes to work things out.
To be kind: looks for ways to be considerate, ways to brighten the other’s day, ways to lighten the load.
To not envy: chooses the spirit of cooperation instead of competition; truly appreciates the abilities and blessing of another and chooses to express that appreciation.
To not boast: chooses not to be wrapped up in our own praise; looking for how to praise the other.
Not proud: chooses not to assume “I’m right” and “you’re wrong.”
Not easily angered: chooses to LISTEN, to the context of the issue.
To keep no record of wrongs: chooses to focus on what is good (which doesn’t mean to put things “under the rug,” but deals with resentment and issues so that the rug isn’t lumpy.)
To not delight in evil, but to rejoice in the truth: chooses to not delight in gossip but in building up, expressing excitement when Truth produces something good in a person’s life.
To bear all things: chooses to be committed amidst provocation
To believe all things: chooses to unsuspiciously credit good to the other as far a good conscience will permit. JFB
To hope all things: chooses to expect the best, to expect God’s leading.
To endure all things: chooses to keep on going forward when it would be easier to quit; keeps taking the one next step.
I love this quote from a Wedding card. This can be applied to relationships in general.
“It’s your story. Make it beautiful. Fill it up with what you love.
Remember what matters. Forget what doesn’t. Create a happy life together.”
